Friday, September 28, 2012

Friday's Letters

Dear September,
You have been a tough one around these parts and I am not one bit sad to see you go. I can not wait for October and a new chance to start again, fresh.

Dear October,
Treat me gently. You know the saying "when it rains, it pours?" Well, I feel as though my life has been flooding lately, and I am ready for the storm to die down.

Dear Jaxson,
I am so proud of  how well you are doing at preschool. We only had one day of minor tears and now you are happy to stay at preschool. I  was beyond proud when your teacher had so many wonderful things to say about you. She said you were so polite, had a great attention span and always listened. How about trying out that behavior at home, buddy? ;)

Dear Kendra,
Just when I thought you couldn't get any do. I am a bit tired of all the tantrums. Especially when we are in the store and you are screaming "help me" at the top your lungs so everyone stares.  I also just love when you say, "ouch, that hurts me" while I am trying to strap you into the seats in the shopping carts. Where do you learn this stuff?!

Dear Pinterest,
You have been inspiring me so much lately. I really need to learn to sew, crochet, knit and just about everything, now! In all seriousness, I can not wait to try out some of the fun DIY Christmas decorations and presents. :)

Dear Readers,
 Thank you so much for all your your support and kinds words. I really can't believe how encouraging and wonderful you all have been! I am not gonna lie and pretend things aren't a bit tough right now but it means so much to me to have the support of this blogging community behind me. It is amazing how you can feel like you "know" someone who lives across the country or around the world and you have never even met before.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Fall Bucket List

While thinking of fun things to add to our Fall bucket list I realized that we never finished checking some things off of our Summer bucket list. This summer was a bit crazier than usual for . I am bummed we didn't get to them all, but there are a few things from our Summer list that can move onto our Fall list. :)

This is a great start to our list. I am planning on printing it out and putting it in a frame on our mantel.

Here is what else we would like to do:

Make Pumpkin Rice Krsipie Treats (again)
Use the apples we pick to make applesauce in the crockpot (love doing this!)
Get a family photo taken in the leaves
Take Jaxson to his first movie (this was from our summer list!)
Start on our homemade Christmas gifts before we run out of time. :)
Visit the local Harvest Fest and see the pumpkins being pitched!
Put the kids in our local kiddie parade for Halloween.
Host a scary movie/wine night for my friends

Friday, September 21, 2012

Fill in the blanks Friday

1.  Something I am very proud of is   my children . I know it sounds cliche and it probably is but I am so proud of these two little beings that I helped create! Mind blowing. :)

2.  My favorite thing about myself is  my friendly personality. I may not always be super outgoing but I love talking to strangers and just meeting new people    .

3.  My favorite color for fall is    Brown. I love brown all the time!

4. Something I've been learning lately is    that I can not expect perfection from myself and that it is okay to say NO to people so that I don't keep overextending myself .

5. A book I am reading now/have read recently is  I recently read "Gone Girl" . I honestly don't even know how I felt about it. I was hooked but in a way that made me keep gasping at the twists and turns and hating how the book turned out. But, it is a good read. Just weird...left me with conflicted feelings.

6. My favorite Pandora Station is  Ingrid Michelson. The kids love the Disney stations so we listen to that quite a bit.

7.  This weekend I will   be working. :( I do however have a fun Mexican Fiesta to attend at my Mom's with lots of yummy food! I can not wait. I love Mexican food!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Salt Dough Pebble Plaques

It's no big secret that I am not very crafty but there are plenty of resources out there for people like me to get some great ideas.

Long before Pinterest entered my life I would pull ideas out of magazines (still do) and file them away for inspiration. This project was adapted from an article in the August 2012 edition of Family Fun magazine.


3 cups flour
1 cup salt
1 and 1/4 - 1 and 1/2 cups of water
Pebbles of all shapes and sizes


Mix up your ingredients in an electronic mixer on a low to medium setting until a ball forms. If mixture is still crumbly add a bit more water until it isn't.

Knead the dough till it is smooth. I think I may have rushed this a bit so mine didn't turn out as smooth as I had hoped. Oh well.

Divide the dough into two or three balls. I made the mistake and did four and I think I would have preferred them thicker (see, not so crafty).  Press and flatten them onto foil and press pebbles into each one in your design of choice.

The original directions called for transferring the foil on a baking sheet and cooking at 275 for two hours. I felt like the foil stuck a bit to the bottoms and it may have been easier just baking it on the sheet without the foil. Next time, perhaps?

After I let them cool I placed them outside. I would love to use them as decor in our garden but the dog keeps sniffing around them and, well, he has been known to eat anything in sight!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Clinging to a thread

I am not the girl who is the best at expressing my emotions at times. Oh, I am passionate and when I am mad, you know. I have a very expressive face, but what I mean to say, or should say, is that when something is really hurting me I shut down instead, and turn inward. I don't always mean too but I guess you could say that it is my defense mechanism. If I don't talk about it then it's not real, right? Wrong. Sometimes that can leave you feeling really lonely.

Unfortunately that is right where I am. Lonely. I guess you could say that I had been clinging to a thread of hope and have slowly been realizing that the thread just keeps unraveling more and more.

I don't want to sound selfish or ungrateful because I know I am beyond blessed in so many ways, but I can't help the way I feel. See, I want another baby. Badly. I have for some time. Brandon doesn't. I thought that when Kendra was young it was just something he said. Because, honestly, I wouldn't have wanted another one then, either. That was a tough first year having two under two. Now, that I have gotten to the point where I felt like we were ready I had bringing up the conversation here and there and have always been met with the same response. No. I love my kids and my family, but I don't want another one. Tonight, though I kinda broke down and told him how badly I do want a bigger family and that deep down inside I don't feel done and that I feel as though I have another child......but he/she just isn't conceived yet. Maybe that sounds weird to some but it is a feeling I have. I feel as though we were meant to have another.

Brandon does not feel the same. I can't blame him. He feels as strongly about not having one as I do about having one.I just kept hoping that maybe he would change his mind, but it has become clear to me that he won't. I told him that I would keep clinging to this thread if I thought for even a second there was a chance. He gently had to tell me that he never wants another and there is no way that he will change his mind. Ever.  I know he doesn't want to hurt me but he can't help the way he feels either.

I am trying not to feel angry, but instead I just feel very sad. I can't help it.  Now, I know that there are so many amazing women and men who want so badly to have at least one child and can't. I experienced some of that heartache when trying to conceive Jaxson so I know a little of how that feels. I don't want to sound like I am complaining when I have two wonderful children already who are my life. However, having experienced that love has opened me up to feeling like I have so much more to give. I guess you could say that I am having a hard time letting go and knowing that this is it. I am done and that this chapter of my life is finished. I feel like I have more to write, so to speak, but instead the pen has been yanked from my hand while I am still writing. Dramatic a bit? Maybe so. I just feel like I need some time to grieve this loss. Because, in a sense, it is a bit of a loss; a loss of something I thought we would have, and now we never will.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I should be sleeping...........

Now that I titled my post I should be sleeping, I have that country song stuck in my head. :)

Well, it's true. I should be sleeping. We have a very busy, but very exciting day ahead of us tomorrow!

Jaxson has his first day of preschool! I seriously can not believe it. I am a jumble of emotions and will probably cry a bit. :( I don't know what to expect from him either. He was so hesitant and so resistant to the whole idea of preschool but in the last few weeks he has really warmed up to it. We had his orientation on Tuesday morning and he actually cried when it was time to leave. So, I am taking this as a good sign. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly when he realizes that I am not staying with him this time. I also hope that Kendra doesn't throw a tantrum that she can't stay with him. Those two have become quite close to one another and it breaks my heart to separate them.

If I am being totally honest I also worry about how he will act and what he will say. I know I am not always the best example and have moments of frustration and times where bad words have slipped out. I am not perfect and never do I pretend to be. However, I don't want those faults to be on display for all. :)

I also worry a bit about the bathroom issue. He has not had a single accident in months but when we were at orientation he peed his pants. I think he was so excited and overwhelmed and unfamiliar that he just didn't know what to do. We showed him the bathroom, so all I can do is hope that he remembers to go before it's too late.  So, here I am worrying like crazy, which I know isn't going to do me any good but hey, it's my nature and my right as a mother.

Wish us luck tomorrow!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Tuesday Ten: Ten things I want to accomplish by 2013

I haven't linked up for Tuesday Ten in quite some time. I thought today's theme was fitting because the subject of time (or lack thereof) has been on my mind a lot, lately.

I feel as though time is just speeding up and I can't get a handle on things yet.  So, today's theme is ten things I would like to accomplish by the year's end.

1.) Get our nagging little debts paid off! We have a few credit cards with outstanding balances. Nothing too big but enough that it adds up and strains our budget some months. So, we have been slowly picking away at them and now that I am working we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We should be within a few hundred dollars by the first of the year!!

2.) Finally start making time for exercise for myself. Even if it is just 20 minutes of resistance bands or a brisk walk. Every little bit makes a difference and it's time to start setting a better example.

3.) Check off the last few areas in my house I wanted to reorganize this year.  Still on my list; linen closet, basement storage, wrap/game cupboard and my craft armoire. Wish me luck!

4.) Take off for a weekend with my husband. I tell ya, we need this more than ever right now! With my schedule and his being pretty much opposite now, we seem to be strangers passing in the night! Okay, not quite so bad but we have had one day off in the last two months together. :( Definitely weird for us when we used to have four full days a week and two nights!

5.) Get crown molding put up in our living room. This is something I have wanted to do since we moved in, but other home improvement things have taken priority.

6.) Get back in touch with old friends and finally forgive some past hurts. Holding onto things just isn't healthy for anyone.

7.) See the last Twilight! haha.... this is kind of a given but I am really looking forward to it!

8.) Take Jaxson to his first movie at the theater. Maybe this seems silly to some but it is something I have been meaning to do and I think he is finally ready for it. :)

9.) Enroll Kendra in gymnastics! That girl is a tumbler and a bit of a daredevil. I think she would love it and now that Jaxson is in preschool I think she needs something that is just about her too.

10.) Give myself a break and not be so hard on myself. Now that I am working something has got to give and if that means not having a spotless house or only doing laundry twice a week, then so be it!


Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday's Letters

Dear Weekend,
Well, you are supposed to be one of our last nice weekends of the year before the rain and clouds reappear. I work.all.weekend. :(

Dear Monday,
You can't come soon enough. Yes, I said that. Monday brings three days off in a row and time I get to spend with my hubby. Lately we have been working complete opposite schedules so we have had one day off together in the last month!

Dear Jaxson,
I can not believe the time has come for you to start preschool! I am glad some of your apprehension has gone away and has been replaced with excitement. Your orientation is Monday and I can't wait to go get school supplies with you!

Dear Kendra,
I can't believe you are two! It's like you got a memo somewhere that said you must now act like a terrible two year old. You have been testing mommy's patience like no other. Hoping this phase goes quickly.

Dear Kona,
We had such a scare with you this week but luckily you seem to be on the mend. It is so hard when animals are sick because they can't tell you how they are feeling. :(

Dear house,
You have been so neglected, lately. I have dishes and laundry, sweeping and dusting to do. I worked a lot this week, more than I anticipated, so cleaning has been put on the backburner.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Menu Plan and a Little of This and That

It's been awhile since I have done a menu plan and I guess I didn't pick the greatest week to highlight either but let's be real......getting back into the swing of work has been challenging and some nights I am not home at all for dinner so I am trying to keep things as simple as possible.

So, here goes:

Turkey dinner at the in laws

Dinner at mom's (love nights like these!)

good ole' grilled cheese and tomato soup ( I work till 9:30 so hubby's on his own)

tatertot casserole

dinner out with the kids

turkey burgers and fries

crockpot turkey chili and crescent rolls

Like, I said, nothing stellar, but it gets the job done!

I can't believe it is September already! I spent all weekend working and spent today trying to get caught up on housework and errands. I snuck in a little shopping for the kids while I was at it. Kohls and Penny's have quite a few great sales going on right now. We are trying to get little man ready for preschool next week. He's gotten a new Cars backpack, some jeans, a new pair of shoes, a few shirts and sweatshirts and some new underwear. :) He is starting to get so excited and so am I! I am happy for him and I know he will have so much fun. I am also looking forward to having a little bit of one on one time with Kendra. That is something that we rarely get.

Hope to get back into blogging a bit more regularly this week!