I have ALOT weighing on my mind. I am getting ready to leave on my first ever solo vacation this Friday to spend some time with a good friend. I have mixed emotions about this. I have never ever flown alone, and I am not a flyer. I have been known to cry. :( I have also never left Jaxson for more than one day and never ever left Kendra overnight. I am going to be gone for three nights. I know my children will be in good hands and be just fine. In fact, maybe it will be good for them to understand that sometimes mom does leave, but that she always comes back. These are the things I tell myself, but I can not help but be a giant bundle of nerves.
Part of me feels like I need a little break to become refreshed and rejuvenated so I can come back and be an even better momma than before. The other part of me says "you are selfish". I struggle with feeling guilty for even wanting and needing a little time away from the kids. :(
I know.... I know, it is healthy and good for me. If anyone else was saying this I would tell them to absolutely go for it and to not feel guilty for putting your needs first sometimes. But, since it's me, I can't help but feel bad.
Of course I am going to face my fears; my fears of flying and my fears of being away from my babies. I love my children more than words can explain and know that having some one on one time with their Daddy will be good for all of them. I also know, that even though I leave them behind, they will be on my mind every second. Let's face it, us moms never turn our minds off and never stop worrying about our little ones. I am sure my husband will be sick of my constant texts and calls wanting to know who ate what, how many times have their diapers been changed, have they napped, what did they have for snack, did they have their bath and so on..... yes, I am that bad!
So, I am sure there will be many a tears shed, and I hope I can handle the separation.