Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Lowering my expectations

I expect way too much of myself and I know I have said before that I am my own worst critic. Well, that is for sure.

Let me give you an example. There is a mom I know. Our kids get a long great and she has had us to her house before for a playdate. Her house is beautiful. Immaculately decorated, big, beautiful yard and stunning views. She is a also a great person. She is so nice and so welcoming and I do not feel any jealousy at all toward her, honestly. I do however feel a bit intimidated and that I don't measure up.

She has never made me feel this way; I make myself feel that way. I have low self esteem and lack confidence and that prevents me from things all.the.time.....

For instance, I would love to have them over to our house for a playdate. However, I make myself feel inadequate. I know this. I know it is my own doing. Is she really going to care that my counters are so stained and that their are chips of paint peeling off the bathroom door or that  we have virtually no landscaping in the front yard? Nope. I don't think so. So, why do I care so much?! I know it isn't healthy and the people in our lives love us for who we are but I am constantly comparing myself to other moms and feeling like I don't measure up to some ridiculous standard that I have seemed to set for myself.

It's not just mothering either; it is everything. I think "oh, she's skinnier, she is prettier, she reads to her kids more, she cooks everything home made, her kids don't have processed foods". I know these thoughts are unhealthy and I am doing the best for me. Now, I don't begrudge these women anything.... it's just that I sometimes feel I am not good enough.

I don't want to pass this mindset along to my children, truly. I need to stop with the negative view of myself so I can teach my children confidence and self love.  I hate that it sometimes prevents me from doing things that I would enjoy. I let my lack of confidence stop me from things and then somehow convince myself that it is okay, even if it is not.

If any of my friends told me they were feeling this way I would tell them they were crazy. I need to learn to heed my own advice!


  1. Oh my goodness, this is exactly how I feel. Except I am kind of extreme, these thoughts, and feelings keep me from doing things. :( I had ppd (although I think it just moved on into big kid depression) after my second child, and Sometimes I feel like i have it all over again. I am the one who makes these expectations of myself, and I am the one who judges my progress, or lack there of. Society doesnt help us women out at all either!!
    Thanks for sharing this, and helping me feel less wierd! ;)

  2. I have these feelings.....off and on. I'm sure even the women who seem to have it all together have these same struggles too. I try to speak truth to myself, or focus on my strengths when I feel thisi way though. No one has it all together...we all just have different things were working through.

  3. ashley, your raw honesty is so awesome and refreshing.
    know that you rock...and that you ARE good enough. we all are.
    i say you invite that family over to your sweet home and bake them up some of your fabulous enchiladas and popcorn bars. :)
    i'm sending love your way, my friend.
    keep your head!! i'll be thinking about you!
    maria <3

  4. LOL *keep your head up!
    but keep your head too. ;)

  5. Oh Ashley, I am exactly the same as you!! I constantly under estimate myself and feel inferior to other women and they don't even have a clue, because it is not them making me feel that way, it is all me and my low self esteem. Having confidence is a skill and some of us just never learn it...I totally get you on this post, thanks for your honesty too. You are not alone xo

  6. Hi. I stumbled across your blog through Larson Lingo today. I am not a huge commenter to blogs but I felt a heart tug when reading your post from yesterday. I'm commenting as probably an "older" Mom (41 with a 15 yr. old and almost 9 yr. old) who has "been there, done that" and just wanted to give my 2 cents (for what it's worth). It is my belief that all or most of us feel at least a little of this inadequacy as women, wives, moms...always measuring ourselves against another who seems to have it all together. My advice is to know that God has made you who you are and there is no other. You have what He has given you to offer everyone else. Don't look back 10 years from now with regret. Because trust me, 10 years from now, this won't seem so important : ) Hope you don't mind the input (yes, I feel a little inadequate posting this! : )

  7. Wow Ashley! I could have written this post about myself! I think most women feel this way a lot, they just do not have the courage, that you do, to admit it! Thank you for sharing.

  8. I think we all feel this way and compare ourselves to others...it's just human nature to do so.

  9. Girl I know this is so hard. One of the hardest things ever actually! And you are right, I would totally tell someone else that they are more than adequate, but it's hard to remind ourselves of that as well. Girl, I'll tell you, you are more than adequate, a great mom, and your kids will grow up singing your praises for the way you are raising them!!!

  10. ohmy girl, thanks for sharing. I came across this quote yesterday.. it reminds me some of what you are talking about here...


    it's so hard not to feel inadequate, and compare.. working on ourselves, is a work in progress, right!! ;) happy weekend.

  11. Oh sweet friend you are NOT alone! I've done this SO many times! I have thought the same thing in regards to our home too! #guiltyascharged It seems as I can't help but feel this way! Of course it subsides as quickly as it came, but it does take lots of effort to fight those feelings! HUgs to you! You are awesome!!

  12. OH Ashley, you are such an amazing person! I know how easy it is to feel insecure! One of my favorite quotes-
    From the very beginning you are being told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease; it is like a cancer that goes on destroying your very soul because each individual is unique, and comparison is not possible. I am just myself and you are just yourself. There is nobody else in the world you can be compared with. ~Osho