I expect way too much of myself and I know I have said before that I am my own worst critic. Well, that is for sure.
Let me give you an example. There is a mom I know. Our kids get a long great and she has had us to her house before for a playdate. Her house is beautiful. Immaculately decorated, big, beautiful yard and stunning views. She is a also a great person. She is so nice and so welcoming and I do not feel any jealousy at all toward her, honestly. I do however feel a bit intimidated and that I don't measure up.
She has never made me feel this way; I make myself feel that way. I have low self esteem and lack confidence and that prevents me from things all.the.time.....
For instance, I would love to have them over to our house for a playdate. However, I make myself feel inadequate. I know this. I know it is my own doing. Is she really going to care that my counters are so stained and that their are chips of paint peeling off the bathroom door or that we have virtually no landscaping in the front yard? Nope. I don't think so. So, why do I care so much?! I know it isn't healthy and the people in our lives love us for who we are but I am constantly comparing myself to other moms and feeling like I don't measure up to some ridiculous standard that I have seemed to set for myself.
It's not just mothering either; it is everything. I think "oh, she's skinnier, she is prettier, she reads to her kids more, she cooks everything home made, her kids don't have processed foods". I know these thoughts are unhealthy and I am doing the best for me. Now, I don't begrudge these women anything.... it's just that I sometimes feel I am not good enough.
I don't want to pass this mindset along to my children, truly. I need to stop with the negative view of myself so I can teach my children confidence and self love. I hate that it sometimes prevents me from doing things that I would enjoy. I let my lack of confidence stop me from things and then somehow convince myself that it is okay, even if it is not.
If any of my friends told me they were feeling this way I would tell them they were crazy. I need to learn to heed my own advice!